you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
