You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
