you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
