the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize