I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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