dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
we should paint friendship bongs
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