white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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