Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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