xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
