I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
