So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
