I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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