can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
