This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
