I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
