dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
All I want is dick and wine.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize