So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
