Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
