That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
