dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize