That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
