i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
