I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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