I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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