um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
