She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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