Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
