cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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