im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
