What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
