was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize