I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
