either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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