i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
