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my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
