i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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