My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So squirting runs in the family.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
