i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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