Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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