Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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