I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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