Your tits are I can't wait for
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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