It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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