god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
