I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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