when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My dick has a subreddit
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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