He disabled his match.com account in front of me
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
