i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize