i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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