My room smells like vodka and shame
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
