We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
