Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
