Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
