the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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