I just cut my nipple shaving
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I would ride that face into the sunset
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
