I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
