One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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