It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
