I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
