Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
