Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
