I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
