In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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