i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
