the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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