I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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