Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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