He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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