i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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