tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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