My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
