i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
