eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
