I didn't shave. On purpose
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
