I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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