I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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