that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
