Dude my mom stole all your condoms
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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