sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
