come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
