Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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