Fuck appropriateness.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
This is my gift to your gina
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
