i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize